


The most reassuring thing that I was ever told

by itwilleatyourbabies



Series: Old Habits Die Hard [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Cutting, M/M, kind of sad, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1241977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwilleatyourbabies/pseuds/itwilleatyourbabies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just your basic, Phil finds out that Dan has self harmed. Sorry if it's a bit shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The most reassuring thing that I was ever told

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I have never done anything like this before, I have been through depression, but I didn't quite know how to explain it. I hope you like it, and that you guys will leave constructive criticism,

It was a normal day, I was sat on my couch, next to my boyfriend, Dan. His head was rested on my shoulder as I scrolled through tumblr. As a joke Dan and myself had decided to look through the “Phan” tag, it was usually pretty entertaining and always gave us a good laugh. It was fairly entertaining to us some of the things that our fans had created, especially those of them who thought we were “together” which, I guess, we were.  
Dan roll over slightly, so that his chin was resting on my shoulder. He stared up at me with his big brown eyes before reaching over and scraping his lips roughly against my cheek, I smiled and I could feel the beginning of his laugh, as his gut rumbled slightly against my arm.  
“TTTT HHHHHH THAT” The sound of some one blowing air into my ear startled me, making me jerk. Dan knew I hated nothing more than someone blowing in my ear, and he did it at every chance, just to annoy me.  
I tackled him without hesitation, both of us sliding to the floor. We wrestled around on the floor for a couple before I finally managed to corner him, I laid on top of him slightly, my hands on either side of his shoulders. I bent down to and came nose to nose with him. He sealed the space between our lips. He had been a great as any of our other kisses, full of love and passion, along with a bit of a hungry desire. I moved my hands up his arms until his sleeves were up on his elbows.  
Dan flinched slightly, something I had never felt him do before. It was a microscopic flinch, something only my expert eyes could detect. I tried to ignore the flinch. But with Dan slowly, but surely trying to push his sleeves back down, I got slightly worried. I grabbed both his wrists and we rolled over slightly. Know I was the one on the bottom. I used his current state of mind to rub my thumbs against his exposed wrist, my finger went over what felt like a bump, what kind of small bump would you feel in someone’s skin? A scar. I supposed, but this was Dan, he was strong, he wouldn’t do something like that, would he?  
“You’re over reacting.” I mentally scolded myself, wondering how I could be so stupid, “Anybody could have a scar. Just because he has a scar on his arm, doesn’t  
Dan suddenly deepened our kiss, and I responded passionately. And uh… that’s just say that I didn’t think about Dan’s scars for the rest of the night, my mind was...uh…. a bit… busy. 

XXX  
Dan’s Pov

Phil might not of noticed it at first. But I could feel him staring at my arms, I knew that he was trying to figure out if something was wrong or not, if I was suicidal or not. And I wasn’t.  
Anymore.  
My cutting had started when I was about fifteen or sixteen years old. I had come home from school one day feeling way down in the dumps, my life was getting worse, everything about it was getting worse. The bullies. My grade. My home life. I didn’t know what to do. Especially since nothing seemed to be getting better. I had trotted off to my parent’s bathroom, since my brother was in mine. I noticed the extra razor, it was my mom’s extra razor, sitting on the bathroom sink.  
“Don’t do it, Dan, it’s not worth it.” I remember thinking to myself as I felt my hand subconsciously reach towards it. But I grabbed it anyway.  
Not worth it? Yeah, right, it was definitely worth it.  
From then on my cutting seemed to get worse. I did it more often, and I cut deeper. Nobody noticed, so I just kept doing it. Eventually I had to wear more long sleeved jumpers then short sleeved ones, though, but in my mind it was worth it.  
It was my only relief from the pain. Of Course it was worth it.  
It was then I meet Phil, and he was the one who changed my mind. With time my scars started to fade, and the blood started to wash out of my sheets, but the memories couldn’t be washed out of my mind. 

XXX  
Phil’s POV  
It started with a tickle fight. Dan had started it after all, and here we were 20 minutes later and still rolling over and laughing.  
It was then I noticed, Dan was covering up his arms again, he hadn’t done it in what felt like years, I knew Dan had been really stressed recently, I had too, but I didn’t think that would force him to cover up his arms again. He rolled over, and his sleeve slipped up slightly, and that’s when I noticed it. The scars. It hadn’t been the one that I had originally noticed, there were tons more, and the scariest part? Some of them looked fresh, recent almost. I looked down at Dan, who was looking, mostly at the floor, but anywhere but my eyes. I rolled off of him, so that I laid next to him.  
“Dan I whispered quietly, turning on my side and putting my arm around his waist.  
“Yeah.” He mumbled quietly, his eyes looking anywhere but me. I took a deep breath, I hadn’t thought that a talk like this would result from a tickle fight, and I was most certainly not ready to have it.  
“What’s going on?” I asked him, silently pleading him to turn around and look at me. But he didn’t. He mumbled something quietly, but I couldn’t quite hear it.  
“Dan, you know that you can tell me anything, and you can tell me this.” Dan turned and looked at me, I was shocked to see that his big brown eyes were filled with tears, and there were already a few streaming down his cheeks. He took a deep breath and look me in the eye.  
“When I was fifteen years old…” He began…  
XXX  
I sat in a shocked silence and stared at Dan. He had just finished his story, all the way from the beginning to the end. I had nothing to say. He was crying at his point, and to be honest with you, so was I. I pulled him into a hug, I whispered into his hair for a while, trying to form the words, but not quite knowing how. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, just about until Dan’s sobs subsided.  
“I love you.” I told him. Hoping he understood that I meant every word of it.  
“I love you, too.” He smiled at me. Although his smile was slightly sad.  
“Please never hurt yourself, ever again.” I whispered to him, kissing the top of his head.  
“I won’t Phil,” I told me, “I have you.”  
And, that, was the most reassuring thing I have ever been told.


End file.
